I mean really badly pissed off.
You know the feeling when you know in advance that you won't be able to do something you really wish... and you accept the Fate. And that's nothing to be pissed off. When things start turning to the better it's time to be afraid. But I'm making it too complicated, better to explain what exactly happened.
One year ago, saying our goodbyes to our volunteer friends in Iwanuma, Okano san promised to organize a volunteer meeting in his restaurant in Kobe this year. He fullfilled his promise, the meeting is this Sunday and lots of people will show up since it's the start of the Golden Week in Japan. Ramon also left for Kobe today. As for me, I knew it from the beginning that I'll have no money for the trip. I accepted my Fate. And then, suddenly, some money popped up from the sky. Yay, it's enough for the ferry ticket, for the ryokan and even a few beers! I felt like being in haven. And a call to the Panstar ferry operator dropped me in the abyss of desperation. The morons. The idiots. The motherfuckin' bastards. Who in his sane mind would suspend the line for the yearly check of the ship exactly during the Golden Week, when all japan goes on some kind of trip? Baka! So, no direct ferry from Osaka to come back in Korea. The other chance? By bus from Osaka to Hakata and to Pusan with the well known Camellia Line (I use it every three months for my visa run). When I added all the expenses for this trip I wanted to cry. I can't make it. The freaking bus is way too expensive - yet it's the cheapest transport in Japan. And I'm too stubborn to borrow money. The most stupid thing is that I have to make my visa run in these days anyway - and I can't make it to Osaka. To make things worse this evening I have Korean lessons. I hate myself and I hate the world.
I'm going to bake some bread and try to cheer up.